So Keepin’ It Real Thursday quickly became Friday because well, life happens! Yesterday was a day of crazy, and I just didn’t have time to even sit down at my computer! So because I want to continue this series for as long as I can, I just moved it back a day and I sure have a treat for you! Kat seriously has me laughing so hard in 99% of her posts so I know you will love her!
Hi! My name is Kat Carah and I write for my website www.katcarah.com. I also create memes on social media (www.facebook.com/katcarah and www.instagram.com/katcarah) that are sometimes entertaining. In addition to that, I also mother my two children, dog, and husband, study for my master degree, and direct the athletics at a small Catholic school. To say that I am busy is an understatement, but if this past election hasn’t driven me over the edge, nothing will. Also, as I always say, I’m just a girl, standing in front of a plate of fried mozzarella cheese sticks, asking them not to be 1,000 calories.
8 things I would recommend when your husband makes a break for it (AKA “takes” a “trip”)
With hunting season(s) upon us, it is important to remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Unless you’re a mother and your husband is gone for any length of time. Then, the heart might be bitter. (No, not my heart, psh, I’m practically Mother freakin’ Teresa, I’m talking about those other wives, the *bad* wives.)
Aaaaaanywho, this is a list of stuff that I would recommend, if you know that your husband (or wife, or whatever) is leaving you for a weekend.
1. Make sure that your bathroom is stocked with plenty of toilet paper. Otherwise, you’ll end up desperately begging your 4-year-old to bring you toilet paper, while you are stranded on the toilet. I would also suggest getting a bathroom mirror with bluetooth speaker so you can effortlessly turn on the lights, play your favorite tunes, or check the weather outside.
2. Stock up on milk. Otherwise you will have to call your mother to rush over on Friday night with a gallon, while your kids are up way past their bed times. Seriously, like 2 hours past.
3. Have an impromptu party. This was the cause of the 2 hour delay in bed times, but it was so. worth. it. (Huge shout out to my brother-in-law, sister-in-law, and my best friend (and her familia) in their contribution to the shin-dig.) It will make your husband (or wife, or whatever) jealous and you’ll have a fabulous time eating pizza and talking with adults.
4. Plan to have people over to visit and/or help. It is way too lonely, without any adults around, for 3 days in a row. I’m not saying that I’m dependent, but I’m kind of dependent. So, sue me.
5. Have a back-up plan for breakfast when your last English muffin gets burnt in the toaster and you can’t just “run” to the store really quickly on a Sunday morning.
6. Have Xanax for when said English muffin is smoking and the dog starts freaking out because he doesn’t like smoke and the fire alarm goes off and everyone loses their damn minds. I remember when I had to take my cat to the vet. The cat was sick for 2 days before vomiting some hairballs.
7. Stock up on caffeine and alcohol. This needs no explanation, but it’s basically essential.
8. Don’t let your kids eat like shit and do special stuff on normal days, so that when you want to do it when Dad is gone, it’s actually special and not something you do all of the time. I had a couple of people ask me if I was going to go do something special with the kids, or if I was going to let them eat some special junk food. All I could muster was, “Ya, had I not spoiled them to the point of no return years ago.” (cue stress sweat) I did let Harrison sleep in my bed, though. So I guess that was cool for him. Delaney got nothing though, sorry girlfriend.
In conclusion, solo vacations rock, but not when I don’t get to go on them.
booooooooo. (Read that like the dream sequence in Princess Bride)
See, told you she is just a real mama trying to survive in the scariest “hood” you’ll ever be in — MotherHOOD! Happy Fri-yayyyy!!!